A half full glass of lemonade
by 0Mementovivere0
Summary: Sometimes we remember the things we wish to forget


**Title:** A half-full glass of lemonade.  
**Author: **Macavity  
**Pairing: **Lisbon/Jane/Bosco  
**Disclaimer:** One day, when my world domination plans have worked out.  
**Summary:** some liquids can cause more damage than some solids ever could.  
**Special thanks to: **Iloveplotbunnies, for her awesomeness in beta'ing and coming up with excellent suggestions.

* * *

xxx

_When I was younger, so much younger than today,  
I never needed anybody's help in any way.  
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,  
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors._  
- The Beatles, "Help"

xxx

She was pouring some of the half-empty bottle of whiskey in a glass, when she heard footsteps approaching;

"You know you're not allowed to drink, do you?"

She forced a smile, it was Tommy; "It's for dad, silly."

He stood there, motionless, with a confused look on his face. Teresa could see him trying to figure out why she would feed their father's desire for alcohol by making him a drink. Then Tommy noticed the glass, less whiskey than when dad would make a drink for himself.

He smiled. She smiled back and gave him a wink.

The next few years were characterized by pouring half-empty glasses of whiskey, but always hoping for the day, she would pour a half-full glass of lemonade.

It never came, he died.

xxx

At the Academy, she had the occasional beer and was 'one of the guys'. She never admitted to anyone that she preferred not to drink. After all, she knew all too well how much damage alcohol could make. She shook her head at the thought of a liquid causing more damage than some solids ever could; afraid to follow into her father's footsteps, she wondered whether alcoholism was genetic. She even looked up some of the statistics and wasn't happy with the answers she found.

It frightened her, and every time she had a drink, she got a guilty feeling in her stomach.

It only got worse when she graduated and got a job on Bosco's team.

Closed case tequila's were a tradition. She couldn't resist.

Couldn't resist the tequila. Couldn't resist Bosco.

The consequences of alcohol were never far away; one night when Lisbon, Bosco, and John were having their third closed case tequila, they got a call. One of their most wanted was spotted at a nearby gas station; holding a pregnant woman under gunshot.

They didn't hesitate. She drove.

At the scene, things got ugly.

The woman held hostage was being swapped by John.

Bosco had a good aim.

He needed two shots.

The Attorney General told them it was an accident; it could happen to the best of them.

She knew she would remember this day for a very long time. She requested a transfer the following week.

xxx

In the following years, some days were more difficult than others were. Lisbon still remembers the Tanner case and snapping at Van Pelt after she hinted at her past "We don't discuss our personal lives in this unit. It's not useful and it's unprofessional."

Van Pelt never mentioned anything ever again.

The case affected her.

It reminded her. Too much.

"Sometimes we remember the things we wish to forget," she thought to herself.

When the Tanner case closed, she was glad she got the chance to talk to Mr. Tanner. He seemed like a good man, grieving over the loss of his wife. It was heartbreaking. She didn't want him to head the same way as her dad did. "You've got good kids. You're all they have." He nodded. When he walked away, she hesitated; afraid she would be out of line by what she was about to say, "My father was a good man, just like you were. And after my mom died, he was a self-pitying drunk just like you are. He killed himself. Damn near killed me and my brothers too."

She handed him the card.

"Get some help. Your kids deserve it. You do too."

He nodded again.

When she turned around, she met Jane's eyes. She knew he heard.

They nodded at each other and went their ways. She was glad she didn't need to talk to him.

She went home and cried.

xxx

Closed case drinks were intermittent by closed case pizza.

She suggested the change.

"Rigsby can't hold his drink without food,"

Everyone agreed.

Jane made eye contact, and then smiled

Cho mentioned something about pineapples.

xxx

There he was, Bosco; back in her life. She felt rejoice, but knew it would be difficult with Jane around.

He took over the Red John case.

Saying that it irked Jane would be an understatement.

Her emotions were a roller coaster. She didn't know what to feel. For either one of them.

She needed a drink.

And had one. Then two.

xxx

The next few weeks were difficult. It only got worse when Dr. Carmen started to drug her, trying to frame her for the McTier murder.

Some things don't mix. And it wasn't just Bosco and Jane.

Her print found on the gun that killed McTier, failing the polygraph, being suspended, having to hand in her gun, her badge. She was falling to pieces. Work had always been an escape from what was going on in her life. She used the anger, sadness and hurt that she held within to her advance; she worked harder, worked more ungodly hours, and got her gratification by sending the bad guys to jail. Work was there to keep her sane. Now she was suspended, she didn't know what to do.

Then there was Jane.

She didn't want to admit she lied, didn't want to accept his offer to hypnotize her, didn't want to be vulnerable and in need of his help. "I don't want you inside my head." She had to trust him, but she didn't want to break down, not around him.

Jane saved her.

She felt bad for cutting Bosco out after she and Jane caught Dr. Carmen. She consoled herself by the thought he wouldn't approve of their methods, and told him "Maybe it's not good police work. But I have to confess, I enjoyed it. Letting loose for once".

He didn't know how truthful this was. She trusted him, maybe even more than she trusted Jane. She couldn't choose.

She had one. Then two.

xxx

The relationship between Bosco and Jane got to a new low after Bosco arrested Jane for spying on him. She wished the guys would get along without her interference; it would make it so much easier on her. The headaches were getting worse already. She didn't want to do what she had to do, but she felt like she owed it to Jane.

"Don't make me go there, Sam," Lisbon said.

"What are you saying exactly?"

"You know what I'm saying. I'll talk about what happened eight years ago."

"You'd go there...I don't believe you."

"Believe me. Here I am."

She saved Jane, but it didn't make her feel any better.

After the next case, Bosco resurrected the old tequila tradition.

They had one. He looked at her the same way he did eight years ago.

She could feel the butterflies.

When she got home, she got a glass from the cupboard.

And had one. Then two.

xxx

"Without death, there is no life. Without darkness, there is no light."

"I love you, Teresa"

"I love you too"

xxx

Jane showed the bottle of tequila. She smiled. She could use one. More than ever.

She had one. Then two. Then three.

xxx

Weeks went on and she felt the same guilt creeping up on her as when she was at the Academy. And thought about the statistics she looked up back then. She wondered what would become of her and craved for his comfort. She craved for Jane.

When she made it to work, she quickly realized life has a wicked sense of humor; they were presented with the Barge case. Fortunately it didn't take Jane long to close the case.

"Ms. Barge?" Abigail Barge turned around and Lisbon continued, "Living with an alcoholic is hard," she hesitated; knowing Jane was listening in her office. "Some never change, they don't even want to, but your husband checked into treatment two weeks ago, right after you told him about the baby. I think he wanted to be there for you and your child, that's why he ended the relationship with Julia. For what it's worth, it seems like he wanted to change..."

The widow seemed content.

Lisbon walked into her office and after not so successfully convincing Jane that everything was okay, he wished her good night and left.

She sat down at her desk.

She opened the drawer, and wanted to reach for the bottle, but hesitated when her own words were going through her mind;

"Some never change; they don't even want to…"

She got the bottle, she got the glass. She hesitated some more.

"It seems like he wanted to change…"

She shook her head

"Wanted to change…"

The bottle and glass were going back into her drawer. She would get rid of them the following day.

xxx

Another murder, another suspect, another arrest, another closed case.

A knock on her door.

She looked up.

Jane walked in with two fancy looking drinks.

"Closed case mojitos?" she said with some sarcasm in her voice.

"Lemonade actually"

She smiled. He knew; all along.

She finally had her half-full glass of lemonade.


End file.
